Joke Of The Moment
(Selected by the webmaster)
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Kiwi Joke...
Three Australians and three Maori's are travelling by train to a rugby match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maori's buy just one ticket between them. 'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the Aussies. 'Watch and learn bro,' answers one of the Maori's . They all board the train.
The Aussies take their respective seats but all three Maori's cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket please.' The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.
So after the game, they decide to copy the Maori's on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Maori's don't buy a ticket at all!!
'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed Aussie.
Watch and learn bro ,' answers a Maori .
When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and soon after the three Maori's cram into another nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterwards, one of the Maori's leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Aussies are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, 'Ticket please.'
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How to tell the sex of a fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
'What are you doing?'
She asked.
'Hunting Flies'
He responded.
'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'
He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
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THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a
golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings
and a man engages the hands free speaker
function and begins to talk. Everyone else
in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this
beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it
OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes
dealership and saw the new 2008 Models. I saw
one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '$90,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all
the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the
house I wanted last year is back on the market.
They're asking $950,000.'
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an
offer of $900,000. They will probably take it.
If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's
really a pretty good price.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you
so much!'
MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker
room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths
agape.
He turns and asks: 'Anyone knows who this
phone belongs to?'
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A JAMAICAN CHRISTIAN!!!
A Jamaican walks into a bar in Miami, orders three Red Stripe beers and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, 'You know, a beer goes flat after you draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The Jamaican replies, 'Well, you see, mi have two bredda. One inna Toronto, the other dey a London, and mi deya a Miami. When we all left home, we promised fi drink this way to remember the days when we drank in Jamaica. So mi drink one for each ah meh bredda and one for meh self.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice Jamaican custom, and leaves it there.
The Jamaican becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender say, I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'
The Jamaican looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no no, everyone's fine, 'He explains,' It's just that I became a christian, and I personally had to stop drinking.'
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Husband Training
The couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.' The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America' . We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and we took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' 'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again.. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse
stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you $%#@! crazy?' She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'
And from that moment on.... We have lived happily ever after.'
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An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten..."
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